i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
