the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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