Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
