Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
