I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
