I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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