NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
