yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
