Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
