$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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