there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The Olympian is in my bed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
