I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
