A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
