it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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