her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
