It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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