I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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