Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
