Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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