Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
