You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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