she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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