She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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