Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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