i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
