I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
