make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
