Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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