You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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