Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
