it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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