...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
