I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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