nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
