Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
