Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The adults are the big ones right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
