That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
