Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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