She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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