oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
