I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
