My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
