did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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