I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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