I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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