You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
