Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
