I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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