your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You did what with his pubic hair?
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