I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
